Dave’s one-line movie reviews XI

November 22, 2014 at 9:36 am | Posted in Daily blogs and thoughts, movie reviews | Leave a comment
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Wow – it’s been a long time since I posted any movie reviews, and I’ve seen so many movies over the past few months, I barely know where to begin.  I find myself in a conondrum, in that I’ve publicly stated that my main goal is to make self-serving, witty comments about the films I’m seeing and leaving the real B.S. to the real movie critics, but I’ve seen so many good movies these past few months that I feel compelled to give them a public nod so that my followers (all 3 of you) will know that these films are worth the cost of admission.

St. Vincent” – Bill Murray answers the question that fans and film students have been asking for 34 years:  What would Carl Spackler be like today?  Melissa McCarthy co-stars as a “what the hell kind of mother would leave her kid with this nut-case” neighbor, and Naomi Watts plays a Russian prostitute with a heart of gold who keeps her clothes on during sex. St. Vincent is a wonderfully entertaining movie that has no golf in it.  If I were you, I’d raid my kids piggy-bank for the cost of a ticket to see this.

“Birdman” – Film students will enjoy its gimmicky photographic style,  Michael Keaton fans will miss the insane Beetlejuice antics, Emma Stone fans will try to figure out what they did to her eyes to make them so big and super-hero movie fans will miss the irony entirely, but Birdman is a lavishly produced exploration of an aging actor’s quest to be relevant.  Okay, it’s not lavish – I don’t even know what that means, but I needed an adverb.  Oh, and Naomi Watts is in it too, sans Russian accent, but still keeping her clothes on during sex scenes.  If you cleaned out the kids piggy bank to see St. Vincent, better start looking in the couch cushions, because you don’t want to miss Birdman.

“Lawless” – Dukes of Hazard without the farmers daughter. Following my advice, you’ve already cleaned out the piggy bank and couch cushions on the previous two entries, so it’s time for a Netflix / cable TV movie.  If you’ve ever wondered why a movie is given away for free, you’ll have that mystery resolved by the end of this low budget two hour gangster movie.  You can tell it’s low budget because most of the movie takes place in the woods.  Next time you’re at Universal Studios Orlando, just imagine that Shia Labeouf and Jessica Chastain were there and your “Lawless” movie experience will be complete.

“Movie 43” – A sketch comedy that features a lot of stars doing funny, short films that their agents didn’t know about.  I love trashy, irrelevant comedy and this Netflix ditty delivered.  I found myself laughing uncontrollably at the sketch with Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet, where she plays a shut in going on a blind date with a guy who has testicles growing out of his chin trying to eat soup.  And Naomi Watts is in this one too, playing an abusive mother who home-schools her son with psycho husband Liev Shreiber.  Netflix earned my $7.99 when they found this one.

“Noah” – Darren Aranofsky’s interpretation of the old-testament story.   First, I completely enjoy Darren Aranofsky movies and would see anything he directs.  Okay, I realize the original version of the story from Genesis is missing a few details, so at least 90 percent of this movie was, how shall I say it delicately, “deduced” from the bible.  The basic theme of destroying evil by flood is still there, but in their quest to make a two hour movie, some liberties were taken with the story.  I just want to know who the rock-monsters were that protected Noah & the kids, I looked through my bible and couldn’t find a mention.

“The Caine Mutiny” –  A lot of movies are missed by today’s audiences because nobody remembers who the stars are, they can’t make a video game about the film, or the film isn’t in 3D.  Shame, because a lot of viewers are missing great films like the Caine Mutiny, which besides being a fascinating story is also a wonderful collection of character studies by a great troupe of actors.  Nutty is funny walking the line on tragic in this film, such as Humphrey Bogart’s official inquiry into the stolen frozen strawberries.  Acted to perfection, some special effects guys should get out of their parent’s basements and see what a real story is about.

“King of NY” – Only one thing to say about this hoodlum gets out of jail and goes back to his old dirty tricks story with the added twist of being a modern day Robin Hood:  Christopher Walken.  If you follow this column, you know that I feel it’s a requirement that everyone who is a movie afficiondado must see any film with CW in it.

As I said, I’ve been seeing a lot of movies over the past few months, so look for another review in the next few weeks.  Thanks for reading and please consider shareing this with your friends, enemies and cellmates.

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