Dave’s one-line movie reviews V

January 12, 2014 at 8:56 pm | Posted in movie reviews, Reviews | Leave a comment
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I’ve been totally enjoying my winter vacation and have had time to see a ton of movies.  Well, maybe not an actual, physical ton, but more than I usually get to see when I’m working.  So here, in no particular order, are my famous one line reviews of my latest excursions to the theater, cable television and netflix.

“The Promised Land” is, surprisingly, not based on the Bruce Springsteen song.  Matt Damon shows up in small town USA to buy fracking rights from destitute farmers and a whiny, decrepit Hal Holbrook.  Why do senior citizens always stand in the way of progress? Worth a look.

“Jack the Giant Slayer.”  Now why, you might wonder, would a pseudo-intellect like myself openly admit to watching this type of movie?  It was the only movie on HBO-3D that didn’t have talking animals, although 3D isn’t as dramatic on a 50 inch TV as it is on a 50 foot movie screen.  No Acadamy Award performances here, but I liked it.

“White House Down.”   Now, I already saw and reviewed “Olympus has Fallen,” so why even watch this?  Did Director Roland Emmerich find the Olympus script on a copier at the studio and help himself to a copy?  No, this movie’s totally different.  The President in Olympus has Fallen is Caucasian.  In White House Down, he’s African American.  Truth be told, I like White House Down better, but that’s sort of like saying I like square vases better than round.

Wolf of Wall Street.”  The latest Martin Scorsese picture is an entertaining three hour romp of excesses in sex, nudity, drugs, greed and profanity.   Anyone who says this is his greatest picture, or Leonardo DiCaprio’s greatest role, has been drinking the Kool-Aid.  I loved the movie, but what do you expect from an old fraternity boy?  I just have to talk to my CPA about T&A expenses.

Everyone told me not to waste my time watching “Gangster Squad.”  I love crime movies and I love period dramas, so I was glad I didn’t listen to everyone.  This remake of Brian DePalma’s remake of televisions “The Untouchables” features Josh Brolin as Kevin Costner and Sean Penn as Robert DeNiro.   They use those hand guns that have 100 bullets.

Tombstone“with Kurt Russel, Sam Elliot, et al is an oldie that cable channel AMC ran between its regular commercial reel.  What happened was that I tuned in and the movie was already half over.  That being said, I’ll only give the movie half of a revi

“The Iceman.”  Amazing that so many well-known actors were in such a small indie picture.  Following the “career” of a contract killer from New Jersey, I found the film interesting, but hard to believe.  Could the guy really have committed over 100 murders, yet his family thought he was an “International banker?”  No mention of GW Bridge-gate, which was nice.  For the sequel, I suggest they have Winona Ryder steal them some lights, this was one dark, poorly lit, muddy looking movie.

“Battleship.”  I avoided this movie because I figured if a movie based on a videogame was bad, what would you expect from a movie based on a board game?  The answer is not much.  Think Transformers meets Independence Day.  I fell asleep about 45 minutes into the movie and awoke during the closing credits and found it a totally enjoyable and fulfilling cable television experience.  

Finally, Cinemax gave us a free preview this weekend and ran two movies that would be the ultimate double feature:  “Edward Wood” and “Bowfinger.”  If they had only shown Mel Brook’s “The Producers” it would be the ultimate film students trilogy.  “Bowfinger” is a gem of a comedy, written by Steve Martin, about a very Ed Woodish indie producer trying to get a movie produced with a star who isn’t aware he’s being filmed.  Creative, imaginative and funny, Bowfinger should be studied in film classes in Universities around the world, if it isn’t already.

Thanks for reading my One-line movie reviews, and please share them with your friends and enemies.


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